Dearest 2005 iPod classic,
I cannot truly express my gratitude for your tireless efforts at keeping me entertained through the years. You’ve been dropped, kicked, and even drop-kicked once – yet you still carry on each day like it’s nothing. When we go to the gym together, you patiently sit in front of me and play music for me while I work out. You don’t seem to mind that I sweat on you, or that I sometimes fling you violently to the ground when my thumb inadvertently catches your headphones cord. You just keep on playing music for me.
Sometimes I get tired of the songs I have given you to play for me, and I keep pushing the fast-forward button. You never get upset with me for doing this. You just keep cheerfully suggesting more songs:
iPod: “How about this one?”
Me: (skips song after hearing first two notes)
iPod: “No? Okay, do you like this one?”
Me: (skips song because it has applause in the beginning and that means that it is a live song and won’t really get going any time in the next 3 minutes)
iPod: “Not today, huh? Here, try this one… it is one of your favorites!”
Me: (remembers that the song used to be a favorite before I listened to it 118 times in a row and ruined it for myself.)
iPod: (starting to panic) “No again? How about some Journey?”
Me: (listens to ‘Midnight Train’ all the way through, impatiently waiting for the ‘don’t stop believing’ part because that part is really the only reason I listen to the song.)
iPod: “Okay, you like ‘Midnight Train’… do you want to hear it again?”
Me: (does not want to hear ‘Midnight Train’ again because I held down the rewind button and re-listened to the best part about 11 times in a row, and now it, too, has lost all meaning for me.)
iPod: (confused) “Not in the mood for “Midnight Train’ anymore?”
Me: (confirms the negatory by pushing fast-forward)
iPod: (one song later) “I know that you didn’t want to hear ‘Midnight Train’ again a few seconds ago, but how about this acoustic version by another artist?”
Me: (presses fast-forward button)
iPod: “How about the original again?”
Me: (&%$*&^%ING FAST-FORWARD AND I HOPE I NEVER HEAR MIDNIGHT TRAIN AGAIN!!!!!)
iPod: “Okay, I’ll wait for you to skip over a few more songs and then try playing ‘Midnight Train’ again because I know how much you like it…”
Thank you for alway trying your hardest, iPod.
I know I get frustrated with your misdirected and totally arbitrary enthusiasm for certain songs, but please don’t feel bad. It is not your fault. Journey is awesome, but I should give you more to work with. I also probably shouldn’t have put “Midnight Train” in my playlist 32 times.
Also, don’t take it so hard when I forget to charge your battery. Again, it is not your fault. It is seriously heartbreaking when you make those little sputtering chirps as you are dying. I can tell you are trying as hard as you can to keep playing my music even though your lifeblood is slowly draining away. Your effort is so admirable.
Shhhh. It’s okay. I’ll plug you in when we get home.