This is my last week of alone time, my last few days of being able to spend an evening in with a cup of tea watching old hitchcock movies under the covers. It is important that I keep a few hours for myself each day; it’s a new goal for the fall. Being able to talk with God, hear myself think, let myself release the tension and relax into the sofa. I have these headphones that block out sound – an extremely fortunate commodity in nyc. Sometimes the silence is deafening, but always good for the soul.
I would be amiss not to accept that I’m in constant change. My life just isn’t consistent, and hasn’t been since high school. And as much as I crave consistency, that’s not what God has in store for me. So be it. I’m learning to accept it, learning to let go of trying to control life & instead, dancing with it. Dancing through life. Thank you, Wicked.
I miss my bunny rabbits, I miss hugs from family and friends, and I miss performing. (I also miss dairy). But in times of tribulation, endurance produces character. I am being chipped away, like a diamond in the rough (thank you, Aladdin), slowly transforming into a more brilliant, clear-cut, definite stone. I like to be sure of things. But I suppose life is one thing that I will never quite obtain that level of knowledge. For certain things, perhaps. yes. on occasion. I refuse to settle and be content with knowing I’ll never know: I don’t think that’s what any of the great people of the world would say either. The journey is about questions, about experiences, about great love and great loss and everything inbetween.
I never will settle. I’ll never stop asking questions. I couldn’t stand myself if I did.
So thank you, life, for teaching me lessons that are painful, trying, confusing, or even ridiculous. I sound cliche, but it’s making me me.
and right now, “me” is going to get back to her French homework.