Today is a paradigm shift.
For reasons that I’m choosing to keep personal and not publicize on the internet, my life is (yet again) changing.
Yesterday, I was talking with my best friend, and he mentioned that he needed an update on my life, as it “was always interesting”.
This caused pause. Because the way I’ve seen it, my life isn’t interesting in the way that if I were my friend, I’d want to hear all about it. I feel like my life is interesting in the if-you-really-knew-what-was-happening-you’d-be-a-mess-too sort of way. Not that I’m saying I live a terrible life, because I love life – and I’m extremely thankful, grateful, and embrace each day. But my life also has not been easy, partially due to my human fallibility and partially due to unforeseen external happenstances. Either way, I’m glad I have a friend who will hear the good and bad interesting’s of my life.
Today, for example, isn’t a good interesting. It’s good in the long run, but a re-rooting of sorts.
I have honestly no clue where I’m going. I’d like to think I do, I’d like to think I know what I’m passionate about and want to do with my life. But I know myself better than that: The “hard way” seems to be my option of choice more often than not.
I want to go to Mannes in the fall. I want to sing. I want to be healthy. I want to be able to be content.
These sentences are seemingly impossible at times like today.
These sentences seem like far away dreams at times like today.
Time to crack open the Good Book, clean my room, take a shower, and wash everything right outta my hair. The temptation is to find an inviting practice room and lock myself away from reality: but today, I need to stare reality down and face it head on. Maybe go psych myself up via talking to myself in the mirror. Or listen to some girl power music. Maybe go see a show and feel rejuvenated. Maybe go excersise and feel my body energized, like I can take on the world, like I can handle today, like all the problems in the universe couldn’t bother me.
Maybe I’ll just go live in central park.