I was attacked by an entire vicious colony of rogue aliens tonight.
Right here in New York City.
There I was, playing Lego Batman battling the twisted mind of the Lego Joker and his evil minions inside my little friend’s totally awesome Lego Batcave — when suddenly, the clock struck nine. I whipped around to double check for myself, and was shocked! We were up WAY past bedtime!! And we all know what happens if you stay up past bedtime …… the alien monsters come out.
Faster than the Batmobile, we ran into his room and quickly dimmed the lights. I scanned the room for any early-bird monsters jumping the gun, while he jumped into his PJ’s and hurriedly brushed his teeth. While I was manning the door and closets for any ominous signs, he sprang into bed right as the clock beeped 9:03 PM. Fearing for my life, he yelled out at me, “KJ!!!! Save yourself! Jump in!!!”. Diving underneath the bottom bunk’s Indiana Jones comforter and assorted piles of various six-year-old boy clothing, I could then breathe a sigh of relief. “That was a close one!!!” I called up to the top bunk. I heard a few muffled giggles, and then the usual request for a bedtime story. Everything seemed back to normal … until I heard their scary, squishy footsteps.
Squish. Squash. Squish. Squash. Squish.
I froze. We were too late. The alien monsters were coming. Suddenly, my top bunk compadre had slinked his way down to my bunk – seemingly calm in the face of certain death. “It’s the aliens! They’re back!” he said anxiously but in a hushed tone. “Just do what I do… we’ll teach them a lesson they’ll never forget.” Trembling at the thought of the unknown visitors coming down the hallway to the room, I just nodded and flung my body all the way underneath the comforter. Luckily, he had brought his Mickey Mouse flashlight as well as his most trustworthy stuffed animals to help protect us and guard our bunk bed down-encased fortress. He gingerly reached across to his nightstand and handed me his blue lightsaber. “You’re going to need this,” he said with a grave brevity I’d never seen in a six year old before. But then I remembered when he told me that he was actually a secret Jedi Warrior undercover, and I felt very, very safe.
My mind was whirring. I was fiercely clutching onto my lightsaber, the upper corner of our Indiana Jones comforter, and a stuffed build-a-bear teddy bear dressed in an Iron Man costume. I looked over my shoulder to my fearless leader for his plan. He looked straight back into my eyes, and we laid underneath our blankets waiting in solemn silence, occasionally shining the flashlight out above us to make sure they weren’t waiting for us to crawl out. Then, he spoke. “Okay. They finally went to sleep. Now’s our time to attack!” Invigorated, I jutted out my jaw in confidence and turned on my lightsaber. “On the count of three, we blast out of our fortress with our invisible jetpacks, fly over to the alien camp in stealth mode, and then take them down one by one!” I gripped my Iron Man teddy bear firmly and closed my eyes, preparing myself for the battle about to ensue. “One … two …….. THREE!”
What happened next has been highly classified by the Unites State Government, and neither my six year old superhero or I am permitted to discuss anything involving invisible jetpacks, aliens, futuristic technology, epic battle sound effects, alien/human hostage situations, or how the living room looked like a bomb exploded inside of it (which, off the record, did definitely happen). I have been sworn to secrecy (and pinkie promised, and crossed my heart and hoped to die) not to reveal any specifics of tonight’s events by request of The Jedi Council. All I can say is that these aliens won’t be bothering New York City anytime in the future … and that I am pretty damn good with a lightsaber.
Moral of the story = Babysitting. is. AWESOME.